Truth, Honor, Respect and Dignity

Throughout my life, standing up for what I believe in has always been my way. I have done some horrible things in my lifetime, that at the time seemed justifiable and seemed appropriate. Later on in my life I realized, after taking a good long hard look at my behaviours, why I did what I did and my reasonings behind them, I knew they were wrong. I began to focus on the knowledge of "TRUTH", that word that means so much in this world. I began to realize that there is a difference between "RIGHT" and "WRONG", there is a difference between "LIGHT" and "DARKNESS". When I was a child growing up in a home full of abuse, darkness, evil doings, I knew what was right and what was wrong. I knew that it was not right for my Dad to do what he was doing to my Mother, beating her, raping her, cursing her, loathing her. I knew it was wrong that my Dad was hurting his children, beating on us, cursing us, loathing us. I also knew that what my Mother was doing to her children and to me was wrong. Beating on us, hurting us, and taking the full brunt of her anger, rage, pain, torture, sick and twisted warped attitudes towards me, was WRONG!! I knew that what my 21 year old brother did to me at the age of 8 years old was wrong, tying me up, gagging me and sodomizing and raping me and sexually using me, WAS WRONG!! As an adult I looked back at all that had happened to my family, to me, and it was all so incredibly WRONG!! I began to search my heart and wanted to seperate "right" from "wrong" and it became very important for me, in order for me to learn to treat others with dignity and respect, as I had never been shown any dignity or respect in my lifetime within my home from my parents or my siblings. I had to LEARN how to treat myself with dignity and respect, and I had to learn how to treat others the same way. I had to put everything in it's proper place, and learn that hurting people is NOT ACCEPTABLE. Along the road, I learned that we are going to make mistakes, everyone makes mistakes. Not one of us can honestly say or believe that we are infallible and perfect. I started to realize that, because I was abused and treated so badly my whole life by my parents and siblings, I was not very good at INSISTING ON RESPECT, INSISTING ON DIGNITY and I would quickly shut people out of my life who had hurt me, who had said or done things to me that were hurtful and did not apologize for. In doing that, I found myself very much alone. I am not sure why people feel the need to hurt people and then feel completely justified in doing so. This has always bothered me. My abuser Dad, who is still living, has always done this, never taking responsibility for his actions. My abuser Mother who is long dead, would never apologize or try to make amends for her horrific and twisted behaviours and injurious actions towards me. In my adult life, I have found that most people, will hurt everyone at some point, it's inevitable. What I WILL NOT TOLERATE are those people who are too full of themselves to make amends, or at least try. I am trying to learn to be willing to accept an apology, and to learn to move forward in relationships, no matter what kind they are. Having said that, I will NEVER compromise my integrity, my dignity, my self worth, my honor by allowing someone, ANYONE to use me, to mistreat me, to abuse me again!! It's THAT simple! I have made mistakes in my lifetime and still do, I am quick to apologize and quick to forgive if the person makes a "SINCERE" attempt to make amends and take responsibility for their actions. I WILL NEVER ALLOW ANYONE TO HURT ME, USE ME, TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME, ABUSE ME, MANIPULATE ME AGAIN!! WE, as survivors of abuse, must care enough about ourselves to DEMAND RESPECT, DEMAND DIGNIFIED TREATMENT! If we truly stand up for the truth, and are honestly going to defend the truth, and what is right, what is good, what is decent, what is proper behaviour, then we must demand that for ourselves, and we in turn must treat others with that same respect and dignity that we so deserve. Never compromise yourself for another, to be used and hurt. Treat yourself with dignity and respect, and demand others do the same! Peace to you all.