Speaking out against abuse

Sitting here this morning after finishing the Blog Talk Radio Show, I find myself thinking about last October 2009 when I went public with my story of the abuse I suffered as a child at the hands of my parents and a sibling and the dysfunction that destroyed our family. Not one of my remaining direct family members except my niece has had anything to say about the fact that I went public with the story, or that I am speaking out against abuse. They have all ignored the fact that I pointed my finger point blank at my abusers, my parents, as well as the fact that one of my siblings sexually abused me as a child of 8 years old. My remaining family members are all in denial even though we have spoken about the abuse we all suffered through the years. Now, because I have gone public, they seem to have forgotten that we had numerous chats about how my parents treated each other, how they abused us, and how my sister was also very abusive to her children and husband. Now, because they have to face it, and it's public information, they are hiding in the dark behind that closed door and not supporting me or even acknowledging that abuse is wrong, ALL abuse is wrong. My sister will not even say that child abuse is wrong. She cannot bring herself to even say the words even though she knows that I volunteer with Dreamcatchers For Abused Children, and knows about the book I wrote, "A Life of Death: The Redemption". My nephew sits and scratches his head as if to say "abuse? what is that?" even though his own mother, my other sister now passed away from cancer at the age of 60, was a highly abusive woman who controlled her whole family and abused her own children and husband. Hey, she grew up in the same home I did, she was abused herself. My only living brother "hates" what I am doing and has not spoken to me for 4 years and does not even know where I live. Many times, as we come forward to reach out and get help as survivors of child abuse, our dysfunctional families will not understand, or will conceal the truths that they keep forever hidden in their own hearts and minds. They expect us to do the same and when we decide to get help and learn to cope with the abuse we suffered, they do not always support us. My family is choosing to live in denial. I have chosen to expose the truth even at the risk of further alienating myself from my dysfunctional family members. I could no longer sit in silence, keeping all of the pain, agony, despair, and grief inside me. It was literally destroying me to stay silent. Knowing that by going public with my story, it could drive a wedge between me and my family, I felt it was necessary for me to speak up, and expose the truth. This may not be for everyone and I would suggest that you think this through very carefully and realize that there are consequences to every action. Whether a survivor decided to go public with their story or not, I would say just make sure you reach out and get some help. You did not deserve the abuse, no one does. If you are being abused, make sure you reach out and get some help! Save your life!

Never give up!

Thinking about the show topic from today's show, Dave Decker from Angeresources.com wrote about the "Myth's About Domestic Abuse" from his website http://www.angeresources.com and as I was reading aloud myth number 16 that "Many abused women actually like the conflict and the abuse
• i.e. they like the "pain" and chaos and they are "masochistic" I thought back to the many times I have heard that in my lifetime and even said it myself. I thought back to my mom's situation and how she could have left the abusive marriage she was in and divorced my dad and had every opportunity to get help, and she chose to stay. As a child I could never understand why she would allow herself to be abused by my dad and had heard my older siblings plead with her to get out of the marriage and start a new life for herself. We were of course hoping she would take us with her, but even suggested that she leave us in the home with my dad and that we just wanted her to be happy and would be okay if she just got herself out. As I grew older and the abuse continued on and on, day after day, month after month and year after year I became bitter about the abuse I was suffering at her hands and at my dad's hands and became soured in my ways of thinking and believed that she stayed because she "must have liked the chaos and abuse". As a teen-ager I even tried to convince her to leave my dad and told her that I would work and her and I could get an apartment together and I was even willing to overlook the abuse she had been inflicting upon me my whole life. I cared very much for my mom even though she cared very little about herself or her children and that included me. She would not accept my offer and chose to stay. I would often think about it as a young adult and thought to myself that she must have enjoyed the horror's of living with my dad and also believed that she enjoyed abusing me as I was born out of marital rape and she made it very clear that she did not love me or want me and should have killed me at birth. I continued to love her deep down inside my heart, and all the while my mind and my crushed spirit hated what my parents had done to each other and to us, their seven children. All of her children wanted her to be happy and healthy and did not want to see her abused and end up a bitter woman on her death bed, which is exactly the way it went. My mom did not enjoy being abused, she did not enjoy being raped, she did not enjoy being made to feel worthless and she did not deserve any of the abuse she was forced to endure by her own mother and then by her husband. If you are in this situation or have been, make sure you get help. Call a crisis line if you have to. Do whatever you can to hold on and get some help. Never ever give up! It's not an option! You do count, you do matter. You do not deserve to suffer or be abused. No one deserves to be abused. No one likes to be abused or enjoys being abused. Please reach out and never stop reaching out until you get the help you so deserve!!