2011

Sitting here, alone and drinking coffee on this beautiful New Years day, I think to myself, "all that is required is a commitment to keep walking forward, to remember that all I need to do is take each day and night as they come, to take that one step, to know that there will be hard days and nights ahead, to accept that there will also be some good days and nights as well, and to continue to be good to myself and others, be kind to myself and others, to care about myself and others, to accept the kindness and help from my friends and those that would reach out to me to help me, and to remember to be thankful for every good thing in my life, and every good friend in my life" and as I think about these things, I think of all of us who have been so wounded, and so incredibly hurt, and I think about my inner child, and I hold my head up high for her. She no longer cowers on the floor, cowers in the corner, shakes in her bed. She no longer screams out in pain. She had to be so strong for so long in my weakness, and now that I am strong and no longer weak, she is safe and knows that it will be okay. I made a commitment to not only survive, but to allow myself to let her shine through. She was a little girl full of love in her heart, laughter and joy in her spirit, as she was born that way, God made her that way. She quickly learned to shut that all away as hatred replaced love, and laughter and joy were replaced by fear, shame, and so much pain. She became silent as I became the "ugly, hateful" child my abuser's forced me to be. But now she is free to be herself again, as I am free to allow her to shine through me. I am that little girl once again, heart full of love, laughter and joy in my spirit! Little one, precious little girl, you are loved!