Making Decisions and Living With the Consequences

The choices we make, as a result of being survivors of child abuse, will directly affect our lives in every way. I have been thinking about the recent choices I have made over the last few months, and the many choices I have made since beginning my healing journey 4 years ago. I am fully aware of the consequences that can and will happen as a result of those choices. It became clearer to me as I thought more and more about the lack of support I have from my immediately family members, and the fact that my two siblings and father are still just as co-dependent, dysfunctional, and abusive as they ever were. The thought of continuing any type of contact with them has been causing me grief and discomfort. The thought that they still believe that I should continue to play out the life script they wrote for me as a child upsets me. I made a clear choice to never allow anyone to abuse me again, and that definitely included my own immediately family as well as everyone else in my life. I feel that as a human being on this planet I deserve to be treated with dignity, respect, compassion, empathy, and kindness. My siblings and dad have never treated me that way and have continually hurt me with their words and actions and they refuse to see that their behaviour is abusive. They do not want to take a look at how they treat others, and feel it is their right to behave any way they choose. My question to myself over these many months and even the last four years is, "Do I have to continue to allow my sister, brother and dad to abuse me in any way?". The answer is NO! I made a clear choice to not allow anyone to treat me with disrespect or abuse me again. Treat others as you would like to be treated yourself is something I have always tried to do, and without hurting my sister, brother and dad, by cutting them out of my life, letting them go, moving on, and stopping all contact with them feels better to me then allowing them to remain a part of my life as they are in denial and "hate" the fact that I went public with our story of abuse, and "hate" that I am fighting to stop child abuse, and "hate" that I am on my healing journey. Any family member that would not support another family member on their healing journey, even if they did not understand the situation completely, is not going to be help, but rather a hindrance to my healing journey. It is cleary my siblings and dad's decision to make. Whether they ever decide that they need help, counselling, or therapy. I cannot make that decision for them. I believe that had we made the decision together to get family counselling, we would be able to have a good relationship, a healthy relationship. My brother, sister and dad have all said that they do not need counselling and think it is all garbage and unneccesary. As adult survivors we need to be very cautious and careful when making these types of decisions. We need to be fully aware of the consequences that will result from these types of decisions. I am 100% satisfied with my decision, due to the severity and length of the abuse I and my siblings suffered as children, due to the fact that my dad is mentally ill and mentally unstable and toxic, it is a decision I have to make in order to move forward in my healing journey. But with the decision comes the knowledge that I will always love my sister, brother and dad and wish it could have been different. Be very careful what you do when making these decisions. Be sure that you are making them for the right reasons and can live with the outcomes. We will live with the consequences for the rest of our lives. Whatever choices you make for yourself, just remember to never give up, never lose hope, and keep reaching out!